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Oh hey — didn’t see you there. I was busy spearing buzzwords with my tusk and ignoring yet another email titled “You'll Never Guess These Ten Things...”

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I’m Sarcastic Narwhal — your flannel-clad, slightly salty marketing consultant with a knack for turning small business chaos into clean, clever content that actually connects. I don’t do fluff, I don’t do fake urgency, and I definitely don’t do “let’s go viral” energy. I’m here to help you clarify your message, coordinate your content like a boss, and sip coffee while watching your brand finally make sense.

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Cozy up — we’re about to make your marketing make waves.

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MEET THE HUMAN BEHIND ALL OF THIS

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STRATEGIC

MARKETING

SUPPORT
 

Campaign Planning

and Execution

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  • Cross-channel campaign coordination 

  • Marketing calendar creation & scheduling

  • Ad placement planning & tracking

  • Time-sensitive content support under tight deadlines

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Project

Management

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  • Collaboration with design and production teams

  • Asset library organization & management

  • Vendor coordination for print & promotional production

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COPYWRITING

AND CONTENT CREATION

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Advertising and Promotional Content 

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  • Copywriting for ads, campaigns, and in-house materials

  • Digital signage content writing & scheduling

  • Promotional messaging for recurring offers/events

  • Guest-facing content creation (e.g., signage, offers, displays)

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Website

and Digital Copy

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  • Website content updates and copy refreshes

  • Landing page copy for events or promotions

  • Internal messaging for staff announcements

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EDITING

AND BRAND MESSAGING

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Proofing and

Quality Control

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  • Signage and collateral proofreading

  • Web and digital proofing an proofreading

  • Final review of marketing assets before publication

  • Ensuring brand and voice consistency across platforms

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​​​Brand

Voice Development

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  • Brand tone audits & consistency reviews

  • Editing to align copy with intended tone/personality

  • Messaging templates for events, sales, or announcements

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COMMUNICATION

AND CLIENT

EXPERIENCE

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Internal

Communications

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  • Drafting interdepartmental announcements or updates

  • Support for internal engagement campaigns

  • Executive or leadership message support

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Guest/Customer Communication

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  • Guest experience messaging templates (FAQs, signage, updates)

  • Crisis or urgent communication support

  • Compliance-conscious writing for regulated industries (e.g., gaming)

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WANT TO READ MORE? COOL!

  • Create fun, not-cringey promos, events, and offers.

  • Write human-sounding posts, emails, and ads.

  • Design flyers and signs people actually read.

  • Promote events people might attend on purpose.

  • Make your brand sound like you, not everyone else.

  • Keep your team saying the same dang thing.

  • Edit out typos, fluff, and passive voice.

  • Tame marketing chaos with calendars and checklists.

  • Say the right thing — even in a panic.

WHAT WE OFFER

SAMPLE WORK

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©2025 Sarcastic Narwhal, LLC. All Rights Reserved. All content, including text, images, graphics, and other material on this website, is the property of Sarcastic Narwhal (SN) and is protected by copyright and intellectual property laws. Unauthorized use, reproduction, or distribution of any material without prior written consent is strictly prohibited. See complete Terms & Conditions.

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